this is a blog for those of you who like to read about the opening of jelly jars, the removal of mold and mildew and a cat I saw "sleeping" in the middle of the road.

Tuesday, July 19, 2005

"Christian hit the wall..."

Raising kids is the best worst thing ever. I have a 2 year old and a sixteen year old. Last night was a bad night.
My two year old woke up saying" Christian hit the wall.."
When we forcibly (not like dragging him out, more like showing up and saying "You have to come home now...") made him come home from a friends house, he was so angry he would not respond as his sister said his name over and over.
When he got so mad he blurted obsenities and slapped his knees, she said "Christian need nap!"Which is what she needs when she is equally cranky.
We ate big bowls of ice cream as his mother coaxed the door open and sat next him as both of them cried over what had led to the whole thing.
What did lead to it? Being sixteen and failing classes. Being 16 and promising to get a job and his way of looking is sitting on his rump at the computer saying to friends. I'm gonna get "that" job as soon as Michelle calls me! He sees that as looking. He sees saying he is going to do better as doing better. He sees thinking about volunteer work being so magnanemous that he does not have to do the work. (See fairly odd Todd, his hero)
He lost two Grandparents in two years. A house to a hurricane, and almost his mother to Cancer. In all of this we also brought home an adorable little girl (whom he loves) that is so cute it is not to be believed.
He is in a panic when he must act. When we have long productive talks about his feelings he is good, then we say "Give us some concrete steps you will take to fix the problems..." He loses it. shuts down. Then we smoothe that out and I say. You are just not getting money until you have a job, then he wants us to bring hin to a coinstar machine so he can cash in pennies on his dresser so he can go out. By the way, he has no licence. He did not get his pernit when he was 15 because that requires phone calls and work etc. so we have to drive him everywhere. His Mom says no, those pennies are hers because she sent him to Italy this summer. Long story short, we are at the beginning of this post and he has smashed his guitar into the wall (his guitar is the equivelant to a blankie. He loves it).
I don't like this. I know he learned explosive acts of innapropriate anger from me. I know he has learned to say sorry and hug everyone. I know that these things can sometimes scare you into doing things better from now on. I know that usually happens after 30 not 16.The realization that how you are acting is not helping you and that you need to worry about doing your part so others can feel safe and rely on you.
We have always been a blustery family. I am so tired of it. I have a precious gem in my daughter. What she saw scared her. Scared me, my wife and mostly my son.
In the end we set boundaries and we know a therapist with a ponytail and a flute who Christian may agree to see. He has to go to Lowes today and figure out how we are going to fix the wall. He was on the phone until 3 am talking to friends saying how we pressure him, and how he hates the way we talk to him.
Today my daughter cried as I left her at daycare. It is almost a month since she has gone. She is scared and dosen't want to be left alone. I am hoping the same is true for my son
im sorry about your son. i am 17 and i am sry to say i do not understand his behavior at all. but it seems we are opposites in nature, your son and i. thanks for the advice, but i like my cheeses and got some antibiotics instead.
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