this is a blog for those of you who like to read about the opening of jelly jars, the removal of mold and mildew and a cat I saw "sleeping" in the middle of the road.
Tuesday, June 14, 2005
Tips on Driving a Hearse
Here is a recent letter I recieved from a fan:
Dear GeekFarm,
Hi its Randy.
I am so pleased we have the kind of friendship where I can share anything with you. I feel so safe when we talk. I wanted to ask you somthing in confidence. As you know, along with many difficulties in my life, I am forced by my father to drive the family hearse at funerals. Since childhood I have trembeled at the pressence of my fathers dirty bussiness of death. I did everything I could to get away, but you know all the problems I have with making friends. They always betray my trust or end up hurting me when I most need them.
Anyway, when I drive the hearse I have panic attacks. Being enclosed with the smell of a freshly prepared corpse makes me go into hysterics and I almost run off the road. The only way I seem to be able to deal is by drinking a few Bartles and James Mountainberry Coolers before a big funeral. The buzz kills the fear, but every time I have to drive I seem to have to have a few more. What should I do?
Yours Always
Lazarus
There are many things a person concerned with domestic issues can write about. They can discuss recipes, storage, clean up tips and what not to do if you drive a hearse. First off, no drinking. Funerals are an awfully sad business but it is not possible to do your job correctly if you are intoxicated. You may feel that there is very little to lose if you drink and drive: after all, the one pasanger you have can't get any worse and you are a hearse driver so there is so little to live for, but remmebr we musn't be selfish!
Just because we have the worst job created by man dosen't mean there is room for sloppyishness or lazziness. I'm sorry you drive a hearse. I'm sorry your family are all morticians and Dad spends all his alone time in the fridge with the stiffs and I'm sorry you were born with a vestigial tail, but these are not excuses. No one likes a sad drunk Laz and I must say I am ashamed to know you are endangering others. I do happen to know an excellent therapist who could get you the help you need but I am so disgusted by your behavior that I will withhold the info until you clean your act up!
if there is anyone out there who feels you can help Randy feel free to email him at Randi@yahoo.com. I have grown weary of his problems and think someone out there may be able to help him more.
Dear GeekFarm,
Hi its Randy.
I am so pleased we have the kind of friendship where I can share anything with you. I feel so safe when we talk. I wanted to ask you somthing in confidence. As you know, along with many difficulties in my life, I am forced by my father to drive the family hearse at funerals. Since childhood I have trembeled at the pressence of my fathers dirty bussiness of death. I did everything I could to get away, but you know all the problems I have with making friends. They always betray my trust or end up hurting me when I most need them.
Anyway, when I drive the hearse I have panic attacks. Being enclosed with the smell of a freshly prepared corpse makes me go into hysterics and I almost run off the road. The only way I seem to be able to deal is by drinking a few Bartles and James Mountainberry Coolers before a big funeral. The buzz kills the fear, but every time I have to drive I seem to have to have a few more. What should I do?
Yours Always
Lazarus
There are many things a person concerned with domestic issues can write about. They can discuss recipes, storage, clean up tips and what not to do if you drive a hearse. First off, no drinking. Funerals are an awfully sad business but it is not possible to do your job correctly if you are intoxicated. You may feel that there is very little to lose if you drink and drive: after all, the one pasanger you have can't get any worse and you are a hearse driver so there is so little to live for, but remmebr we musn't be selfish!
Just because we have the worst job created by man dosen't mean there is room for sloppyishness or lazziness. I'm sorry you drive a hearse. I'm sorry your family are all morticians and Dad spends all his alone time in the fridge with the stiffs and I'm sorry you were born with a vestigial tail, but these are not excuses. No one likes a sad drunk Laz and I must say I am ashamed to know you are endangering others. I do happen to know an excellent therapist who could get you the help you need but I am so disgusted by your behavior that I will withhold the info until you clean your act up!
if there is anyone out there who feels you can help Randy feel free to email him at Randi@yahoo.com. I have grown weary of his problems and think someone out there may be able to help him more.
Posted by: geekfarm / 6:59 AM 
