this is a blog for those of you who like to read about the opening of jelly jars, the removal of mold and mildew and a cat I saw "sleeping" in the middle of the road.

Thursday, August 18, 2005

Ministry through Hall Passes

I have been gone for a long time. I have begun school again. This year my classes are peppered with car injury victums, and kids who are either abussed neglected or unsure about their genders or just unhappy. There are squirls who touch themselves, and preppy girls who beam with correct answers and swaety boys who think they are gangsters and girls who break the dress code, and funny kids and mad kids, white kids and black kids. Its school. If all we did was teach...
I love my job.
Teaching your children is the hardest thing ever, and I look on it as a ministry. It is my way of working for you. I am loving my neighbor by making their kids spit out their gum, stop, come in early and add positive and negative integers so they can go on to Algebra and get some good high school classes and maybe go to college and then maybe they will teach too.

I try to make them be nice, and not say shut up and if I can help it I try to get them to be democrats.
I tell them I love MLK and I cry when we read the Devil's Arethmatic and I make them laugh with stories of my daughter and I lose my temper and go ape shit every once and a while, and then on Wednesday its Fried Chicken day.

Life at school. My son reminds me its been six years. Longer than any job I have ever had.
I fucking kick Ass. I am tecaher man.

Anyway this is where my mind is. I can't seem to talk about anything else. I know that all one of you who read this have missed my musings. I promise somthing funny soon.
Want to get organized with your audio visual tapes and Cds? Start by throwing out all Grateful Dead selections and Pink Floyd Albums. Choose a letter like M and only keep bands and movies that start with that letter like Montross and Minutemen, Meter Man and Moonstrck.

Sunday, July 24, 2005

Ice Cream and Asphalt

I live in a hot place. It is like a boiling sea everytime you leave the house. We are on the gulf but there is no relief and mother nature is trying to destroy us.
I saw a mother in low rider jeans and high heeled sandles trying to help out her 7 year old with his ice cream. The kid was upset and today was 112 with the humidity. I can only imagine she was trying to bring some releif to him but it wasn't working. It breaks my heart to see when kids are hot and tired, and parents are hot and tired and there is that unavoidable clash of too young to control your emotions, and too hot and too frustrated to control your emotions.
We try so hard as parents to bring comfort to our kids. I have a 16 year old who I would do anything to bring comfort to. It seems anytime we are alone we clash like the mom and the 7 year old in an asphalt parking lot. We are both at fault, but he is too young and I am too frustrated, but later he came riding up the street on a bicycle and he was bubly and like a kid again.
The summer is a hard season here in Florida. The Earth has had it with us and our homes are broken and every 2nd idiot would give GW a blow job if asked. There is a contractor at my house who hires extras to look like they are working, and I have to go back to work tomorrow. In JULY! I am a teacher for god sakes! JULY!? What the fuck happened to summer ?
I am waiting to see the end of this movie. The fucked up yet glorious couple of years that would not end.
Here is a tip for keeping those pesky mosquitos at bay. Try rubbing your skin in butter and Sweet and Low. It dosen't work well on children but works great on School district administartors. Try it today!

Wednesday, July 20, 2005

Swarthy Canadians

I was under a friends account and visiting the Fussy blog. She challenged readers to use Swarthy 5 times in a sentence. I came up with 5 hilarious non-racisits uses but when I posted them it says BB made them up. She is wonderful and a dear friend but simply not as clever and funny as geekfarm.(Sorry BB) Here is what I wrote.
1. My dessert was warm and swarthy.
2. I can't decide which melon to purchase: the Honey Dew or the Swarthy Lady.
3. Swarthy? I hardly know hy!
4. My fellow Americans... These are swarthy times...
5. Fred Willard is not as swarthy as I would like him to be...
Canadians can sometimes expect some food items to be frozen when served. They are used to going outside and tapping trees for syrup and pulling deer meat from snowbanks next to the front door. If you live in a warmer climate and have Canadian guests, keep a cooler full of hot dogs in the yard and duct tape some Mrs. Buttersworth to a tree. This is the least you can do to make your neighbor from the North feel at home!

Tuesday, July 19, 2005

"Christian hit the wall..."

Raising kids is the best worst thing ever. I have a 2 year old and a sixteen year old. Last night was a bad night.
My two year old woke up saying" Christian hit the wall.."
When we forcibly (not like dragging him out, more like showing up and saying "You have to come home now...") made him come home from a friends house, he was so angry he would not respond as his sister said his name over and over.
When he got so mad he blurted obsenities and slapped his knees, she said "Christian need nap!"Which is what she needs when she is equally cranky.
We ate big bowls of ice cream as his mother coaxed the door open and sat next him as both of them cried over what had led to the whole thing.
What did lead to it? Being sixteen and failing classes. Being 16 and promising to get a job and his way of looking is sitting on his rump at the computer saying to friends. I'm gonna get "that" job as soon as Michelle calls me! He sees that as looking. He sees saying he is going to do better as doing better. He sees thinking about volunteer work being so magnanemous that he does not have to do the work. (See fairly odd Todd, his hero)
He lost two Grandparents in two years. A house to a hurricane, and almost his mother to Cancer. In all of this we also brought home an adorable little girl (whom he loves) that is so cute it is not to be believed.
He is in a panic when he must act. When we have long productive talks about his feelings he is good, then we say "Give us some concrete steps you will take to fix the problems..." He loses it. shuts down. Then we smoothe that out and I say. You are just not getting money until you have a job, then he wants us to bring hin to a coinstar machine so he can cash in pennies on his dresser so he can go out. By the way, he has no licence. He did not get his pernit when he was 15 because that requires phone calls and work etc. so we have to drive him everywhere. His Mom says no, those pennies are hers because she sent him to Italy this summer. Long story short, we are at the beginning of this post and he has smashed his guitar into the wall (his guitar is the equivelant to a blankie. He loves it).
I don't like this. I know he learned explosive acts of innapropriate anger from me. I know he has learned to say sorry and hug everyone. I know that these things can sometimes scare you into doing things better from now on. I know that usually happens after 30 not 16.The realization that how you are acting is not helping you and that you need to worry about doing your part so others can feel safe and rely on you.
We have always been a blustery family. I am so tired of it. I have a precious gem in my daughter. What she saw scared her. Scared me, my wife and mostly my son.
In the end we set boundaries and we know a therapist with a ponytail and a flute who Christian may agree to see. He has to go to Lowes today and figure out how we are going to fix the wall. He was on the phone until 3 am talking to friends saying how we pressure him, and how he hates the way we talk to him.
Today my daughter cried as I left her at daycare. It is almost a month since she has gone. She is scared and dosen't want to be left alone. I am hoping the same is true for my son

Saturday, July 16, 2005

Get Out

There are times when too much happens to a person. It can be a day where a train blocks your path amd you have to help your sister set up her internet connection and you have to go to yet another funeral. It can be a day when you realize there is no turning back. A day when you know there is no way you can go to another funeral in your hometown. A day when you realize you can no longer evacuate and return to sleep in the heat and swat the mosquitos. A day you also realize that your children may not get any better if you stay and that they may even get worse when you leave.
If I wanted to do anything, it was to keep this from being a I bought sour milk then divorced my husband and people at work are mean. I've ben trying to take one of those quiet nuggets of laughter that won't easily leave your mind and spin it out there for someone to catch the misspellings.
This week hasn't been funny.
My sister has a cat that she kept outside and it got picked up by the pound. She went on a Friday and was too late to get it. My other sister offered to pick it up , but when she got there it cost $200 and my other sister did not know what the cat looked like.
When the first sister finally picked up the cat she finds out it had bit someone and that she may have to pay a fine or go to court. I am realizing as I write this this is not a funny nugget.
I went on vacation to an idylic city in up state NY. We went out on a boat on the 4th of July and parked 500 yards from the fireworks barge. Cool breezes blew through my thick Baldwinesque hair as the fireworks exploded overhead. My daughter who had never seen fireworks before shivered in terror and said "Get OUT!"
Well, she has the right idea.
Nothing makes for an easier dinner party than a Stoufers frozen Lasagna. They take 2 hours when they are frozen, but if your feeling blue, invite some friends over, pop one in the oven, pour the wine and before you know it you'll be eating your cares away~!

Saturday, July 09, 2005


Have left some of my loved ones and met others. I am in hotlanata and am watching dennis turn into a 2.I can't post much because I am typing from a location that smells so bad it is difficult to process.I hope to be at home in a matter of days and to have dodged a bullet. Pray for the Gulf Coast.Is anyone out there?
When evacuating because of a hurricane, try and book hotels not in the inland path of the storm. The western sides of a storm are safer and leave 2 days ahead to get the best rooms and rates.

Tuesday, July 05, 2005

Tropical Storms and Plastic Bags

Here is a quick note from thousands of miles away. I am not returning ontime from vacation,however I have had a lovely time. Thanks to TS Cindy I will extend my stay another three days. Expect a barnburer of a post.
My friend donna stores plastic grocery bags in those plastic canisters that hold handi wippes!It is a great despenser and a terrific space saver!

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